My last post probably reads like it was a straightforward decision to move to Brighton – far from it.
There were a lot of things I had to resolve in my mind before I was able to completely commit to making the move.
Identity – the fact that I’m not British has never been something I’ve been aware of in London, as I’ve always been surrounded by people of many different nationalities. Moving to Brighton I’m now confronted with the fact that most people around me will be English – making me more aware of my identity and the fact that I am not a local. Anyone can feel like a “local” in London after a short amount of time. Brighton is probably the most diverse place in the UK after London, but it will feel very different. I do still worry about losing my identity, my accent (what is left of it after ten years in London) and my heritage.
Family – part of the reason we are moving to Brighton is my wife’s family lives there. I am pleased to say I have a very good relationship with my in-laws, but it’s still daunting to be moving so close to them and potentially seeing so much more of them.
Home – I left my home after university and moved to London. I always entertained the fact that I would move back at some point. Now I am moving to another place that’s not home – but this doesn’t necessarily mean I am closing the door to going back some day. In the words of Paulo Coelho “you have to go away to come back again”.
The Commute – can I be an effective parent after a day’s work and a three hour commute on top, maybe more? This, of course, is the toughest question to resolve of all – but I’m sure I will write about this more and share some of the ideas that I am working on making this better.
Relationship – several people have told me to never take on a commute with a small family. My daughter is 15 months old and a joy right now – but what if we have another baby who doesn’t sleep through the night for a year? What will that do to my relationship with my wife? How will I cope with a commute at that point – for now, I’m just going to decide it’s not something worth worrying about right now.
I definitely think there are real issues to think about and discuss with your partner before committing to a relocation outside of London – everyone wants to move for the quality of life, but there are sacrifices too. If there weren’t, I’m sure almost everyone would have moved outside of London years ago.
Perhaps realising it is not going to be completely perfect, and dealing with things as they come up with honest communication is the best approach. We’ll certainly find out in the coming months and I can share the experience with you on what those sacrifices and challenges are for us.
