Birth partner tips for Dads!
D-day, the day of delivery, labour day. Call it what you like, the day of baby’s arrival in the world can be a daunting prospect for the first time dad, not to mention the first time mother! Whereas your dad may have spent the duration of your delivery in the pub, it’s quite likely your wife or partner is expecting you by her side for the before, during and after of the labour.
Someone recently suggested I write a post on "labour tips for clueless dads". I like to think this more in terms of a "primer for Dads as birthing partners". Clueless sounds like a bit of a put down – but let’s be honest, everyone is clueless until that little baby arrives as to what exactly is going to happen during the labour, doctors included!
During pregnancy, you’ve been there for your wife to talk things through, listen, provide advice if required. Being the birth partner for your wife when she’s giving birth for the first time, however, is a whole different prospect.
Having said that, being a support during pregnancy is a good preparation for labour. Your probably keen to move on to the next stage, and dying meet this little person who has caused your wife all that morning sickness and discomfort these past few months!
Being there for the birth of your child is a rewarding and incredible experience, and with these labor and delivery survival tips it should make it all the better for both of you. While this guide for fathers is not an exhaustive list of what to bring when wife is in labor (as everyone will have different requirements) it should get you thinking in the right direction to compile your own list of needs.
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| Mums are not the only ones impacted by a pregnancy… |
1. Take a class together – whether you go for your hospital-provided ante-natal class, take a private class or attend some form of hypnosis-led birthing class doesn’t matter. By taking a class together you will learn more about the labour process, which will put you at ease, and it’s also a great way to tune into how your partner is feeling about labour and what her concerns are.
2. Read a book or two – it helps to be in the know on all the stages of labour. Your wife might delight in being an expert on every stage right now, but on the day she will be busy focussing on things such as contractions and too distracted to remember everything. Not that you need to know every detail either, but believe me a little knowledge is a powerful thing during the labour process. I was amazed how much I knew by the day in question and was even pointing things out to the various medical staff we had to deal with on the day. See my other post on recommended books.
3. Be involved in the bag pack – make sure you know what your wife is packing for the hospital – you’ll be responsible for this bag and getting your wife what she needs. Bring more food and liquid than you expect you’ll need – in case it is a long labour – and don’t forget to pack some liquids and small high energy snacks for you too. If it is a long spell in the hospital you won’t want to be running off looking for a vending machine and risk missing the birth of your child!
4. Review the birth plan together – have a single page document describing how you both want the experience to be. Does your wife want to say no up front to all anaesthesia or she wants everything they have got on prescription? It’s important you are aware of these things because chances are it’s you the hospital staff (or the midwife in a homebirth) will be speaking to to confirm during the labour.
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On the day itself:
5. Remain calm – whatever happens during the labour, whatever your wife says to you, however the traffic on the route to the hospital is – remain calm. Remember that the labour is not about you. Your role as birth partner is to protect your wife and child during this, let’s face it, life endangering process. It’s a proven fact that labour can be a lot less painful when the mother is calm and relaxed – and as birthing partner you can help achieve that, deal with any distractions or upsets and remaining calm yourself throughout.
6. Decide when you’re going to ring the family – this might sound strange but it’s something my wife and I did not discuss explicitly. After 20 hours of labour my wife was wheeled off to the operating room and I was clueless as to whether to ring the family then or not worry them unduly and wait until it was all over. We hadn’t contacted them when we went in to labour as my wife didn’t want them waiting around the hospital – but after 20 hours what to do isn’t as obvious!
7. Bring a camera – you must have a camera – memory card loaded and battery charged in the hospital bag. The second piece of advice relating to cameras, especially digital, is take more pictures than you feel like taking once baby has arrived. If your wife is worried about how she looks having just given birth or doesn’t like the decor in the room she can always delete them later, but at least by taking lots of pictures you will never say “I wishing we had taken more pictures when our baby was just born”.
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Useful Links
Websites
Hypnobirthing – find classes and learn more. Very enjoyable classes for mums and dads to attend together.
Blogs/Articles
The New Dad Guide has a very useful series of articles on labour – covering things such as birth plans, contractions and even dad’s hospital bag.
Be the Best Birth Partner You Can – short but useful article
Men: a partner’s guide to assisting during labour – article from Thinkbaby.co.uk
